Tonight's trail

Tom Cobley Tavern Spreyton   SX698967 Hare Buzby         on oN PP  

Twice Nightly's word

  Isca Hash House Harriers         ​​​​                16/05/2012 Run Number 809     Trail: Poppleford’s              Hares: Lilo Lil and Cousteau                        On Down: Poppleford’s   A veritable battalion of hashers gathered together for a fine evening of frivolity in the car park of Poppleford’s restaurant. To the delight of HRH No 2, winner of Tatler magazine’s 'Horsebox Honeys' nationwide model search, there was a good showing from the canine contingent. In fact, so many loyal hounds had turned up that the casual passerby would be forgiven for thinking he had stumbled upon a hunting party instead of a hash. Alas, the disappointingly shabby attire of many of the pack (how one longs for hashers to adopt the red jackets and ironed breeches of their betters) would have rapidly put paid to any such misconception.   Hare for the evening was the delightfully effervescent Lady Lilo of the House of Lil. Only recently having been presented to Society, with all the giddiness and excitement that entails, the dear girl is prone to occasional bouts of disorientation (Princess Puss brought a head torch in anticipation of this). To aid her in the evening’s task she had therefore enlisted the help of young Corporal Cousteau, a most steady and reliable fellow sure to keep proceedings in order, at least as long as he could restrain himself enough to run at subsonic velocities.   In the circle we were heartened to note the presence of Duke and Duchess FF and PP, recently returned to their Farringdon estate following extensive travels to foreign climes. We were also pleased to welcome a visitor, Baroness Freezeframe, who entertained us all with tales of her recent ‘Moon Walk’ expedition. She had even brought along some photographs of this no doubt worthy adventure. Being of a delicate constitution however, one had to look away after glimpsing what appeared to be Paddington Bear laced with women's undergarments. The potential combination of cross dressing and bestiality ... no, it was just too much! One narrowly avoided a swoon. But one digresses. Back to the circle.   The usual announcements were made by Lady Lilo - three and on, a sweetie stop, five (impressive, one thought) long-short splits, etc etc - and then we were off.   The trail began in a very pleasing fashion, with a brief canter around the paddock followed by spot of showjumping. One by one, the eager hashers demonstrated their skills, all performing beautifully apart from one flighty stallion going by the name of Menage à Trois, whose circuit was blighted by four faults and one refusal. Quite frankly one expected better of him. Unfortunately one’s own performance was rather lacklustre as one’s entrance into the arena had been impeded by the hindquarters of Kura. The hound, as is her custom, was too busy barking at thin air to notice one’s presence, and hence one’s time was over before one had even begun.   Confusingly, we were then back at the car park, the exact spot at which the trail had begun. One felt rather disgruntled, not having seen even one of the advertised five long-short splits, until it became apparent that there was a fresh arrow pointing across the road. Relief! We had not travelled so far in vain. One must admit that one was disappointed when most hashers ignored the sage advice of the kindly Mr Prowse and charged across the tarmac highway with nary a 'stop look or listen'. Nevertheless, within seconds the pack was safely across and deep into the wilds of the Common.   It turned out that the original route of the trail had passed through the Aylesbeare Reserve. However, the landowners had decided we were of insufficient breeding to be permitted onto such refined territory and banished us to the Common with the rest of the proletariat. Although initially offended by this slur, a glance at such ragamuffins as Squires Receiver and Imelda convinced me that unfortunately this discrimination was entirely justified.   No matter – the Common, despite its lowly name, is full of natural wonders. Indeed, the pack entered one straightaway: a deep, dramatic gorge filled with lush vegetation. One was just contemplating how ideal a spot it would be for faeries and the like, when lo and behold one spotted a sprite by the name of Woof Woof.   Soon it was time for the first split. Feeling more athletic than was wise, one plumped for the long, which turned out to be a 'Ha Ha'. Now, in one's experience these are ditches designed to keep hungry deer away from the forsythias, but apparently on a hash they are much more cruel. Despite being berated by Duke FF, oneself and Viscountess Whoopsie decided it was beneath us and turned back to rejoin the shorts before reaching the mark.   On the next short the spectre of deep mud reared its ugly head. Despite one's best efforts one became rather spattered with the stuff. We almost lost Kennelmistress Soapy as she took a tumble earthwards. One was slightly concerned that little Pansy would disappear into the mire completely, but Princess Puss bravely stated that she would pull him out if he did. In one's opinion this would be the least she could do - after all, she had been using the puppy as a propulsion mechanism for the majority of the run.   The first re-group was quite frankly wicked. Lady Lilo distributed the sweeties to the eager pack then demanded their swift return as it wasn't the right stop! She was lucky to avoid a lynching. After a tic-intensive long we were granted the sweeties a second time: a rum selection, although one heard a rumour it was actually the bald Baronet Menage à Trois who provided them. They were certainly good enough for Lethal Weapon, who in her quest for sugar managed to completely take out Dame HT2. Never has one seen such unruly behaviour from man's best friend.   Headmistress Coffin led an animated discussion on the finer points of courtship. Apparently, at her school all the governesses liken the process to a jolly game of rounders, with each base signifying a different level of intimacy. To spare blushes one will not divulge any further details, but suffice to say one is now having grave doubts as to whether the Headmistress should continue to be allowed near small children.   As we progressed onwards talk turned to tic removal. As this grisly topic is not suited to refined conversation one attempt to avert one's ears, but one still caught some of the more outlandish suggestions. Archduke Larks Vomit wanted to douse them in hydrogen peroxide, Squire Receiver wanted to lubricate them with Vaseline (ahem) and Baron Spocky von Bitz wanted to use a corkscrew. This last idea can be excused as the Baron was still recovering from the trauma of Son von Bitz taking out X von Bitz earlier in the day, and so he was not thinking clearly.   A gladsome scamper more, punctuated by bouts of cheating (mentioning no names, Count Dick), and we were back at the car park. Down downs were awarded, some ordinary souls trying to park were deeply unsettled, and then the pack headed indoors.   The On Down saw everyone in good spirits, mostly because the sprite Woof Woof had constructed a fabulous, paw-topped cake. The Popplefords staff seemed somewhat overwhelmed, and their entire ale supply was exhausted in the space of ten minutes. It really is quite frightful what a beer-guzzling, unsophisticated, noisy rabble these hashers are. It is at times embarrassing to be seen in their presence. No doubt one will be back next week however.

Down downs

Happy birthday Melon Picker. Here Soapy and he are about to take their down downs. Notice the glass on his head!!

Tonight's hash

Exeter Arms/Toby’s  Middlemoor Exeter    SX956919     Melon Picker +Soapy On ON PP

Cake

Before

This weeks hash

Popplefords Restaurant  Newton Poppleford SY063895 Hare Lilo Lil ON ON PP

Words for last week.

       I will try and get soapy to do a reading like she did in the circle as an audio clip cos for those who missed it, it was great. ISCA HASH HOUSE HARRIERS ​Chudleigh Knighton 2nd May 2012   Last week Wednesday, rained all day, the eve was not inviting          Shall I stay in by the fire, or hash? My conscience I was fighting.       Palmolive cried “it’s far too cold” – I lied just to deceive her         It won’t be muddy wet or cold – the hare is Wide Receiver         I’ve heard it say on righteous hares the sun will always shine So if you’re good it will be dry (it’s never wet on mine!)     We circled up outside the Anchor inn at Chudleigh Knighton  Kura and Havoc kept apart to try to stop them fighting  Canine Quintet made up by Pongo, brother Emo and Ben  Then Buzby called us all to order (Bell Toll at work again!)  Chocolate Trots got so confused outside the WC  Not sure she was a boy or girl, where should she have a wee!   Saw HT2 in circle with Larks and Endo sperm The Essential Bear was also there was it Easter or ½ Term? Puss was there without her Boots and Imelda with new shoes Coffin, Screech and Whoopsie came just to catch up on the news!   We took a vote n could not agree the health of Lilo Lill Was that the colour of her legs, or was she feeling ill? But later on when splashed in mud and running on the heath We found out that under her shorts, she wore her tights beneath!   In four days time will be full moon, now torches get a rest But I have found on nights like these eating raw carrots best! But I thought I saw it shining, was it the moon or sun? or just the light reflecting on the cheeks of Buzby’s bum! He’d been caught short upon the run and stopped to have a pee But next time when you drop your pants please stand behind a tree!   Slippery dogging on the trail with Emo and Rise n Shine I’ve heard of 3 sums in the woods – Ménage a trios next time! ​            We splashed and sploshed around the Heath - mud squeezed through our toes We ended up in Heathfield - how we got there goodness knows! Rubber Jonny, Woodpecker, QR and Poacher too All braved the rain and paddled deep till sweet stop came in view Chocolate for the Veggies and fizzy chews a fave’ of mine We chewed and chomped and swallowed along the railway line At last returned to terra firma - and on a pavement bit……..   Chocolate Trots was chatting and fell arse over t**   Hornie and Melon Picker returned with squelching trainers         The down downs duly given for all those misdemeanours   A warm and friendly welcome from the landlord of the pub  Platefuls of sausages and chips - he gave us all free grub  Quick Rucka ate his food with Wide Receiver on the floor  Said to Number 2 - “Don’t you have your big black one any more?”  Could this be Quote of the year - but……….… as if by chance  Pork Torpedo said to Woof Woof “I think you’ve lost your pants!!  But it was her Buff that he’d picked up, a type of stretchy scarf  She’d took it off when changing clothes and left it on the path!    Although she is forgetful and talking rubbish is an art  She’s such a darling Woof Woof, made Palmolive a French Tart……  Not a naughty one in Basque and fishnet stockings on her feet  But a tart with strawberries and cream - a naughty one to eat!     “That’s it Folks” ……. I’ve said it all, the evenings at an end  Please don’t be offended – don’t think I’m not your friend  If I have forgotten you, or mentioned you by name  A lot has happened in a week – and I have water on the brain!  ​ But thank you Wide Receiver for another brilliant run ​ Our trainers filled with mud and gunge , and an evening filled with fun.   ​ On On Soapy xxx                           

This weeks hash

The Drive CP off Forder Lane Bishopsteignton  Link OD- BBQ Chez Menage + Bear Essentials   bring your own beer Hares-Chez Menage + Bear Essentials On ON PP

Last weeks words

ISCA HASH HOUSE HARRIERS Hash Words – April 25th 2012 – Whitecross carpark, East Hill Strips AKA Déjà vu hash   Hare – Coffin and Imelda   Through wind, rain and floods the intrepid select few managed to get to the trail and circle up ready for the start. How much of the trail would be left after all that rain?? After the usual intro from the GM, Coffin gave us our orders in her best teacher’s voice. Felt just like being back at school. On-on through some woods across the road through some woods and back to the car park, that was a short trail, great now straight to the pub!!! Nah, on-on shouted Coffin and off we went again, along some paths, through some shiggy to a long short split. I took the long………back to the car!!!..... and back on the outward trail again a bit further this time before another long short split. I took the long………..back to the car!!! You’d think I’d learn!!! On to a check and picked the right trail for a change, QR commented that Cousteau would be shortcutting down through the wood, he wasn’t wrong. Cousteau came hurtling through the undergrowth and down a 6ft bank with a single bound. How does he do that!!!? More loops, rain and shiggy took us to a welcome SS. Off again out of the woods to some clear ground, after a bit of confusion as to where the trail went Imelda was spotted by Mad Max trying to disguise the fact he was laying a dot, by crouching down with the flour bottle behind his back, so on-on towards Imelda. Another long loop and a fast run back on-home (well, perhaps not so fast for me). A great trail, well laid (which must have been difficult with all the rain).   Down downs Hares – Coffin and Imelda Quick Rucka for Mama and Papa Rucka steaming up the car windows!!! Bell Toll for getting splashed by Spocky when it was meant for WR and Boots. Boots for splashing the hare Wide Receiver for trying to run fast???   On Down – Cannon Inn.   Next Weeks trail - The Drive CP off Forder Lane, Bishopsteignton (SX 902 735) [Menage a Trois & Bear Essentials]

This weeks trail

Wow, we've had over 2500 page views!!! Anyway this weeks trail is mine:) The Anchor Inn Chudleigh Knighton SX846774 On ON